Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Another Proposed Modern Catholic Advent Hymn

(Ref.: This post.)

Sons of David (And Daughters of Magdalene)

On a cold-swept mountain near Bethlehem
A crying babe was born
On a broken glacier near Bethlehem
A brand-new Light was born
Born of the House of David
Born for the Magdalene
Born for the Heavens above


We were born in a manger
We were born for the stars
We were born of mere humans
We were born to go far

On a cold-swept mountain near Bethlehem
All of us were born
On a broken glacier near Bethlehem
Our new-found Light was born
We're sons of David's House
We're daughters of Magdalene
Born for the Heavens above. R.

God the Father made us for Love
Just like he made his only Son
Made us of Light from the first
So we wait for our making
To be sons of David
Daughters of Magdalene
To live in the Heavens above. R.

Advent Hymns by Modern Catholic Taste

After yet another round of modern Catholic liturgical music and reminders that in this blessed season we are to avoid being happy or even liking our eardrums, I've decided to offer my own liturgical offerings for Catholic masses. If it helps in their adoption, I can divorce my wife, become a Jesuit, renounce my Order, and "marry" another man.

Who am I kidding? That won't help, that'll make it a certainty.

First offering.

We Are Becoming (More Like God)

Jesus is coming
And we are becoming
More like God
We are the People of God
We are the People of God
And when Jesus comes
We will be worthy
Worthy of God R.

Jesus is coming real soon
He was a baby like we've all been
Basically we're Jesus
Or on our way to being him

Soon Jesus will come
He will be born again
Born like he's never been
Born like we've been
As People of God
And when Jesus arrives
We'll be arisen
Arisen to be like God R.

Jesus comes tomorrow
Or maybe the next day
Then we will be like him
As we are the People of God
We are the People like God
Then we'll be with Jesus
And he'll be with us
All of us God. R.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

5 Reasons Everyone Should Stab Himself in the Chest in His Twenties

1. You'll understand your body as never before. Until you've burst open your body with a sharp, bladed instrument, you tend to think of your pulse and heartrate as data. Oh, look, my blood pressure is up to 130/78, I may want to do more running or My resting heart rate is up to 60, I should check out on the internet whether that's a good idea. But when you feel the cold steel separate your skin, greedily seeking the fluids that make life possible, you'll feel the rhythm of your body as never before. Every heartbeat, every gush of suddenly bright-red blood exiting your torso will, however briefly, make you feel alive as you've never felt.

2. It strengthens you. Everyone knows that scars are tougher than skin, and you'll now have multiple layers of scarring, if you survive. Your skin, your muscle, your heart if your aim is good, will all have tangible proof of their ability to handle adversity, if you survive. More importantly than that, having torn open your body's largest cavity, you'll be psychologically stronger than ever before. Worried about asking for that raise? You've seen the black tunnel close around your vision, what's asking for an extra $3,000 per year compared to that? (If you survive.)

3. You'll never accept second-best again. If you survive, or even if you don't, cracking open your chest with a bladed instrument will show you that settling for something hurtful can only bring you pain, dizziness, loss of breath, numbness, tunnel-vision, and long term brain damage. Every auto loan, every mortgage, every relationship you consider after this, assuming you survive, will appear in a new light. Is this good for me, or is it like stabbing myself in the chest, metaphorically or not? Your whole life from this point forward, if you survive, will help you appreciate the finer things in life anew.

4. You'll find out who your true friends are. This will give you several new ways to find out which friends are friends for life, and which ones were lying when they chipped in on that cracked BFF necklace you each wear. Who fumbles around trying to tie a tourniquet on a chest wound, and who goes in the next room vomiting and crying? Who calls 911, and who actually applies pressure to the wound? Who throws away the knife, and who says, Aw, fuck it and stabs you in the places you missed? Who visits you at the hospital, and who waits until the funeral to show up?

5. You have great things to look forward to. No matter how this ends, a whole new adventure awaits you. If you survive, you'll have what is likely your first long-term stay in a hospital, together with people who care and check your temperature and blood pressure every 4 hours. You'll get to try new medicines, and your life will likely never seem the same ever again. If you die, you'll go to Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, or none of the above if you think that's something that might happen. And who knows? Either way, an eternal adventure (or not!) is just around the edge of a sharpened kitchen knife!